A COVID Wedding

It was just over a month ago that I picked up my wedding dress from The Bridal Boutique after having my final alterations done. At that time, COVID-19 was just a murmur- something on the back of our minds. It seemed to only be ravaging its way through China and quite frankly, I wasn’t concerned. After all, China is far away. I contributed the heightened talk and hysteria to the age of social media, which is much more prevalent than when say SARS hit. But I had no idea how within a month, so much could change…

Up until this point, wedding planning had been rather smooth. We had all the big things figured out early on, I had broken down the final few tasks left into a week by week to-do list and we were just awaiting the last 8 RSVPs. Then things started to go downhill. I began to hear rumblings that COVID was spreading… not just through China anymore. There were confirmed cases in Canada and not only that, confirmed cases in Alberta, in Edmonton, the city I live 30 minutes from. It was getting real. Suddenly everyone started wearing masks and gloves out in public. We were asked to stay home, to social distance. Stores began limiting the number of people that were allowed inside. There was no toilet paper or hand sanitizer to be found in any store. Grocery aisles were empty, with pasta and canned goods being especially scarce. But at that point, it had only just begun.

On March 12^th, the Alberta Government mandated that all gatherings of 250 people or more were to be cancelled. When I shared the post on Facebook, my Uncle-In-Law commented saying, “Good thing it’s not a big wedding”, at which point, I responded with laughter. Our guest list was under 100, so we weren’t worried. Then, that same week, churches started closing their doors, moving to online services in the midst of uncertainty. It was at this point I began to wonder what this would mean for our wedding. We were supposed to get married at our church, by our pastor. If their doors were closed, would we still be able to have the ceremony? We had so many questions.

Then, the travel bans started. On March 13^th, we got an email from WestJet Vacations telling us our honeymoon to Antigua and Barbuda was cancelled, with no new date scheduled. I was heartbroken, but everything was happening so fast, there wasn’t really time to process it all. I literally read the email, and was like, “Okay, we need to find a honeymoon in Canada, preferably one that doesn’t cross a provincial border.” So to Google I went. I found us a cute little cabin in the town of Jasper, booked us for a couple’s massage and moved on. At least we’d still have a little romantic getaway. Our wedding was still a go, we’d still have a honeymoon, it wasn’t what we had originally planned, but it would work.

Two days later, the schools closed. And two short days after that, we got a big blow – the Alberta Government banned all gatherings of 50 people or more. I was once again heartbroken. Cam and I sat down and tried to decide what to do. Should we cancel our wedding or shrink our guest list? As we tried to navigate this situation, I reached out on Facebook with a post that said,

“Well friends, COVID-19 has struck again, bringing chaos to our wedding.

The Alberta Government has now implemented a ban on all gatherings over 50 people, including weddings. This has affected our wedding drastically. Due to this ban, we are going to have to make some tough decisions regarding our guest list.

As Cam and I evaluate this situation, we kindly ask that if you were invited to our wedding and are nervous about attending the wedding, or are thinking that you will not be attending, PLEASE, PLEASE let us know as soon as possible. That way we can open up the spot for someone who does want to be there. As much as we really want all of you there, we understand that this is a difficult situation and you are doing what is best for your family. So, please, please think carefully about whether you feel comfortable coming and let us know.

And to those that we will have to cut from our guest list, we sincerely apologize. We are doing our best to accommodate everyone and ensure that our families are able to be there with us on our special day. This is the last thing we want to have to do, but the government has spoken and we must listen. We will be live streaming the ceremony for those who aren’t able to make it.

We love you all. Stay safe out there. ❤”

It was at this point we started receiving messages from family and friends saying that they would give up their spot for someone else to attend the wedding, or stating that they no longer were comfortable coming to the wedding. One of my bridesmaids who’s from Victoria would no longer be coming to the wedding. We started making cuts to the guest list, and managed to get our total number down to 49. We thought we were good to go.

I then received a call from my florist, saying that due to COVID, they may not be able to get the flowers I ordered for my bouquet. At first, I thought this meant I wouldn’t have any flowers at all. I was so stunned that this was happening, I didn’t even think to ask her what that meant when she called. I just said, “Okay, thanks for letting me know” and I hung up. I then called back for clarification and was told that they would still have flowers, they just may not be what I had ordered, but they’d still make my bouquet. It would just be a surprise as to what I was getting on the day. At this point, all I cared about was the fact that we could still have the wedding – surprise flowers were okay with me.

Next came an email from the cabin in Jasper that they were closing, but were moving our reservation to another location within Jasper National Park. I agreed to the switch. Cam and I proceeded with planning for our wedding.

Then, things went from bad to worse. I received a message from someone in my bridal party begging me to cancel the wedding. She works in the health care field and raised some valid concerns. I had began to have doubts if we were doing the right thing even before she messaged, so it was time for us to make some hard decisions. Cam and I again sat down and tried to figure out what to do. It was then that we decided that we were going to postpone our wedding. We called all our family and the wedding party and let them know what was happening and then broke the news to everyone else via Facebook. I couldn’t stop crying. I was so so heartbroken. The day I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl was crumbling to pieces. We were so close to it becoming a reality. SO close. It made the pain of it being taken from me so much worse.

On March 23^rd, we officially postponed the wedding.

“To our Dearest Family & Friends,

My heart is literally breaking and the tears just won’t stop flowing. Yesterday I opened the package containing our wedding programs and felt so much joy and now I’m holding them completely heartbroken.

Cam and I have had to postpone our wedding on April 4th due to COVID-19. While we made every effort to still host it safely while following the government’s legislation, we no longer feel it is safe to bring everyone together. Therefore, our ceremony and reception are being postponed to an unknown future date, whenever the world settles down.

However, Cam and I will still be getting married on April 4th. We will be gathering with our pastor and immediate family to begin our lives together. We are trying our best to find a moment of joy in the midst of this chaos. We’re just sad that you can’t be with us.

Since having our family and friends love and support us on our day means so much to us, Cam and I will be having a formal ceremony and reception where everyone who was originally invited is welcome to attend. We still want to have our big day with you all. I’m saving my wedding dress for this day, and Cam’s saving his suit so it still feels special.

We apologize to anyone who is inconvenienced by this. Please know we are doing our best to keep everyone safe and healthy. Once we know the date of our “second” wedding, we will send out invitations again.

We love you all and hope and pray that we can celebrate with you soon. ❤

Much love,

Rebecca & Cam”

I cried the entire night. But we had a plan to still have an intimate ceremony and I needed to focus on that. It was the following morning we got word that the government would potentially be shutting down access to all National and Provincial Parks, and with that, our back-up honeymoon went out the window. Emails came in, cancelations were made. The government then implemented a ban on all gatherings over 15 people. It was so much to process – so much loss all at one time. But as Cam and I talked it through, we decided that we had chosen April 4^th as our date, and we were going to make it as special as possible. I was still going to get my hair done and wear my dress and Cam was going to wear his suit. We were going to say the vows we had written for each other. We were going to make the day ours. But I was still grieving.

On March 24^th, I penned these words…

“Can I be real with you for a moment? Today is one of those days where I just want to hide away from the world. My eyes are puffy from crying. My heart hurts. I’m angry. But yet, I’m excited, because I still get to marry my best friend on April 4th. Yes, it is going to look WAAAY different than I had planned. But marriage is more than a fancy day. It’s a commitment of forever. It’s choosing to love each and every day. I’m trying my best to focus on that.

Cam and I have decided that we are going to get dressed up in our wedding clothes, say our personalized vows to each other and make this day as special as possible for us. After all, it is the day we become one. It’s the day I promise to stand by him through thick and thin. It’s the day our life together begins. And that deserves to be special.

So friends, I need your help. We are looking for someone who could come take photos of our small, intimate ceremony on the 4th. We want to remember this day. We want to feel special. And pictures are a big part of that. So if you know of someone who’s great with a camera and has some experience, let me know. I’m scrambling to try and make this day work.

Also, rest assured we are still going to have a formal ceremony and reception. We’ll get dressed up again, we’ll say our vows, have our unity ceremony and all the beautiful things I spent months planning for. We currently have a date set in September and we will keep you posted based on how this pandemic plays out.

We can’t wait for you to celebrate with us. We so so appreciate all the messages of love and support we’ve received since last night. Thanks for loving on us so well. ❤”

I then began messaging every photographer I could find within the area. I probably emailed about 35 photographers. I was DESPERATE. Later that day, an amazing wedding photographer in Edmonton responded, saying that she was available and would love to help us out. I was ELATED. We FINALLY caught a break! We talked details, I signed the contract, paid the down payment, we were set to go. It was happening. We were going to get married and our day was still going to be documented for us to remember in the future.

Two days later, on March 26^th, I’m about to go to bed at 9pm when I get an email from the photographer, stating that since the Alberta government had banned all non-essential businesses, she no longer could shoot our wedding, for risk of being fined. I completely broke down. The crying wouldn’t stop. There was an intense pressure in my chest, one that felt like an elephant was sitting on it that just wouldn’t go away. I soon realized that I was in panic mode. I was hyperventilating. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t regain control of myself. I took some medication for the panic, which helped alleviate some of the pressure in my chest, but did nothing for my breathing. I still couldn’t regain composure. I went back and re-emailed every photographer I had contacted before, plus more that I had found on Facebook and Google. Some responded right away saying that they weren’t able to either, because they were also registered small business owners who couldn’t take the risk of being fined. I was beside myself. Photos are extremely important to me. I treasure them – they’re my frozen moments of joy for the tough days. I was at the point where I wasn’t going to get married if I couldn’t have photos to remember the day Cam and I became one. At 11:00pm, after hours of uncontrollable crying, I decided I couldn’t be alone. I called Cam and asked him to come back over and help me calm down. Luckily, he lived 3 minutes away and was over quickly. He tried his best to comfort me as we tried to navigate this new curve ball. He sat with me for an hour, when I suddenly had a brain wave – a girl I know from church back in Saskatoon lives in Edmonton and had just quit her job to be a freelance photographer/marketer. I immediately went and messaged her on Instagram with my heartbroken plea. It was 11:48pm. I knew it was a long shot, but I had to try. I resigned myself to knowing I wouldn’t hear back from anyone else until the morning, and settled in to try and sleep. Twenty minutes later, my phone buzzed. I couldn’t believe what I was reading – there in my Instagram message box was the following message: “Hey! I do remember you! I’m SO sorry you’re going through all this stress! I would love to photograph your wedding for you! Is it okay if I get back to you on a price tomorrow?” I HAD FOUND SOMEONE. It was at this point that I was able to calm down and fall asleep, at which point Cam went back home for the night.

We worked out the details in the following days and Cam and I drove around town to find photo locations for our formal pictures after the ceremony. Things were looking up. Everything was FINALLY finalized, one week before the wedding. I could now concentrate on figuring out the little details for the ceremony. But unfortunately, this time of having things “settled” meant that things were no longer changing by the day which allowed time for my brain to finally process all that had happened within the last month. The grief I was feeling was overwhelming. The tears came again and again and I began wondering if we were doing the right thing. I began questioning if I would regret not having “my big day” and getting married with only 10 people to witness it. I couldn’t believe that this was my life. I knew I wasn’t the only bride facing these challenges, but I felt targeted, like the world was out to get me.

After many tears and many hours of hiding away from the world processing, I finally came to terms with things a bit and penned the following words:

“• S I X  D A Y S •
This past month was supposed to be filled with joyful anticipation (and a little nerves) as I prepared to marry my best friend. Little did I know that a world pandemic would strike and throw the wedding and honeymoon I’ve been planning since June out the window. I have cried so many tears. I’ve been angry, confused and extremely heartbroken. I’m still grieving all that we have lost. It has been HARD.
And while my heart is still hurting and the tears still come, one thing that hasn’t changed through this whole ordeal is our love for one another. We’ve leaned on each other, supported each other, prayed for each other and continued to do our best to still be able to start our lives together.
And now, here we are, just six days away. Yes, I’m still sad. I’m grieving the fact my bridal party can’t be there to stand up with me. I’m still trying to comprehend all that has changed so quickly. But one thing this pandemic has reinforced to me is that there is no one else that I would rather have by my side through all life’s ups and downs than Cam.
So as I sit down to write my vows, I am thankful. I am thankful that nothing, not even a global pandemic can stop love. I’m thankful that we still get to dress up and say “I do” in front of ten of our closest family members. I’m thankful that we will have some photos taken to remember the day. I’m thankful we still get to become husband & wife.
As for the wedding I’ve always dreamed of? It has been put on hold. In September, if this is all over, I will walk the aisle again, have my girls standing with me and renew my love for this man. We’ll celebrate with everyone we wanted to. We’ll have our reception and our delicious food. We’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll hug. We’ll celebrate the power of love through adversity. After all, marriage is more than just a wedding.
And hey, at least I get to wear my dress twice.”

As the days ticked down, the grief began to fade and my excitement began to build. I finalized my vows and couldn’t wait to share them with Cam on our day. A week turned into days and days turned into hours… All of a sudden, we’re at the church, decorating and having our rehearsal.

And then, it was here. My wedding day. A friend came over to my house that morning to do my hair for me. I had practiced doing my own makeup (as my Matron of Honor was going to do that for me originally) and I was ready to go. My mom was at my house with me getting ready and it was a nice morning just hanging out with her, preparing to marry my best friend.

Before I knew it, I was at the church, waiting in the sanctuary with my dad, waiting for the music cue to walk out and down the aisle we created in the foyer to the love of my life. Y’all, I can honestly say that April 4^th was the BEST day of my life. Our ceremony was small. It was extremely intimate. We had my parents, brother and grandparents there and Cam’s mom, step-dad, biological dad and two brothers there. Cam’s brother Cody stood up with him and my brother Justin was my Man of Honor. Everything was beautiful. Our pastor did an amazing job during the ceremony, our vows to each other were so so precious and a moment I will treasure forever. I cried through pretty much most of the ceremony because I was just so incredibly happy. Looking back on it, I’m glad we had such an intimate ceremony. It was so relaxed and the day really was about Cam and me. We have some beautiful photos on the way to treasure the day with. We spent it with the 10 family members who mean the most to us. I wouldn’t change a thing. Sure, I missed having my girls there, but having my brother stand up with me was an incredibly special moment. It truly was the perfect day.

After our formal photos, we spent some time with Cam’s family and then headed to my grandparent’s house, where my family threw us a mini wedding reception, complete with a “wedding pie cutting”.

I am beyond thankful for everyone who went out of their way to make this day special for Cam and I. It wasn’t what we had originally planned, but it was perfect in so many ways. We look forward to being able to celebrate with everyone we had invited and have our reception in the future when this is over. We’re excited to get dressed up again and renew our love for each other in front of ALL of those who love and care for us. And we are definitely looking forward to going to Antigua and Barbuda for our official honeymoon, once the world settles down a bit.

To all of you who sent messages of love and support and to those who showered us in prayer on the 4^th, we’re so blessed by you. We felt the love and prayer and it meant so much to us. We can’t wait to see you and hug you again when we can celebrate together. Until then, here are a few photos from the day I became Mrs. Rebecca Kay.

I know the world is unpredictable and extremely uncertain right now, but hang in there friends. Hold your loved ones a little closer, even if it is from afar. Treasure your relationships and reach out to those you love and care for. You are not alone through this. You are so loved and one thing I’ve learned through all of this is that love is stronger than a pandemic. Hold on to that.

Stay strong, dear ones.

Love,

Becca

Feature Image taken by Mollie Laura.