In the Wake of Tragedy…

**Trigger Warning… This post mentions a violent incident that occurred within a school.**

I know I haven’t written in a while. I actually wrote a post last night that I was going to share this morning but now it just doesn’t feel right. I’ll save it for another day… A day where I no longer have a giant pit in my stomach – a day that I’m no longer being triggered. Let me explain…

This morning, our little city experienced a huge tragedy. A teenage girl was stabbed by another student in a classroom of one of our local high schools. She was airlifted by STARS to the U of A Hospital where she later passed away from her injuries. There was a manhunt throughout surrounding neighborhoods, with police helicopters circling above and canine units on the ground working to locate the suspect. Ever since I first heard the sirens and saw the helicopter circling above, I have had an unshakable pit in my stomach.

My heart is broken. I am struggling to find the words to articulate what I’m thinking and feeling right now. While our community is grieving the loss of this young life and processing the feelings the manhunt for the suspect brought about, my heart is pulled in a different direction. I too, of course, am deeply saddened by the events that occurred today. My heart breaks for the family who lost their daughter. It is beyond tragic. But as soon as I heard the sirens, saw the roads blocked off and the police helicopters circling above, I knew that something awful had happened at the school and my heart sank because I know firsthand how traumatic violence within the classroom is.

I have gone back and forth all day, trying to decide if I should share this or not. I by no means am trying to minimize what happened today or make it about me when it really should be about those who were there. But I think the reason I feel this pit in my stomach is because my heart is absolutely broken knowing that [an]other teacher[s] and another group of students are now being haunted by classroom violence.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while now, you’ll likely know that I left full time teaching after being the victim of a violent incident in my classroom. It was incredibly traumatic and left me paralyzed in fear. I’ve spent years in trauma therapy, learning to process what happened to me, the guilt I felt about ‘allowing’ my attacker to hurt me in front of a class full of students and the trauma and fear that they then had to deal with after witnessing my attack. I have had to fight so stinking hard every single day to continue moving forward and to reclaim my life post trauma. And with the news of what happened today, I’m triggered, but not in a “I’m scared for my life” kind of way like before. I’m triggered because I know what the staff and students are going to face in the coming days, weeks and months and it hurts my heart knowing that someone else has to live through this hell.

The attack I experienced in the classroom was not nearly as traumatic as the tragedy that occurred today. I can’t even compare the two incidents, nor do I want to because that really isn’t the point I’m trying to make here. Trauma is still trauma. Violence is still violence. And witnesses and survivors should be offered the same support without having to justify where their trauma falls on the “trauma scale”.

My heart is completely shattered because I know how hard the journey of healing from trauma is – but I also know it is possible. So, I want to end with this:

Dear Friend,

I know this is an incredibly dark and scary time. I know that you may be struggling to understand what happened and what you’re feeling. Trauma is confusing like that and it often makes you feel like you’re alone. But I am here to tell you that you are NOT alone. You are so very loved and needed here. Some people may not understand what you’re going through and that’s ok. Trauma is hard to understand until you’ve lived through it. But there are so many wonderful people out there who do understand. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them or to ask for help. Keep reaching out and asking until you find someone who understands. There is no shame in that.  

There may be a lot of tears and the days may seem dark, but I am here to tell you that it does get better. You will make it through this. There is healing and there is life on the other side. I won’t lie to you, it is a hard road and it will take work. But please, please don’t ever give up. You are stronger than you know, even on the days when you feel so weak. Fight on, fighter. We can make it through. You will make it through.

You are loved. You are strong. You are valued. You are needed here. You are a survivor. I’m praying for you.

Love,

Becca

If you or someone you know are struggling, please know that you’re not alone. Call one of these numbers if you need support. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you are not in need of immediate intervention, I encourage you to find a Trauma Therapist. They have special training and are wonderful people who will stand beside you as you journey through this. You can do this, dear friend. It does get better and you will make it through.

Alberta Adult Mental Health Crisis Response

780-424-2424

Children’s Mental Health Crisis Line

780-407-1000

24-Hour Distress Line

780-482-4357

Alberta Mental Health Help Line – 24/7 Confidential Support

1-877-303-2642

Canada Suicide Prevention Line

1-888-456-2323

Text: 45645

Kids Help Line – Alberta

1-866-297-4101