Welcome Home

Well, it’s official. I have moved to Leduc. Saturday I was blessed with some amazing friends and family who helped me unpack and got me settled into my new place. I’ve switched over my license and insurance, gotten a membership to the Recreation Centre in town and I’ve joined a curling league with my fiancè. Yesterday I went more places around town in one day than I did in an entire month living in Taber. I’m experiencing a level of freedom here that I haven’t had in three years. And it feels GOOD.

On Sunday when I went to church (something I also wasn’t able to do in Taber), I had so many people come and welcome me BACK home. Which, really, was a strange thing for them to say because I’ve never lived up here, only visited. But in a sense, it reflects how I’m feeling. You see, when I first moved to Strathmore to begin my teaching career, I spent a lot of weekends up here in Leduc. I became friends with a lot of other young adults and felt a sense of community that I was lacking where I was living. It’s how I met my fiancé. However, when I moved to Taber, it was too far to drive for weekend trips and I lost that community that I had before, leaving me completely cut off and isolated. In a way, maybe I’ve always belonged up here. Maybe this is where my people are at. Maybe this is where my home is.

All I know is that it feels good to be around people. I couldn’t do another day of isolation. I could no longer live another day in my prison.

So here I am. Living in a new home with community around me, still unsure of what is to come. I don’t know what my future holds in terms of work. I don’t know what I want to do. My therapist said that this uncertainty and anxiety towards the future is normal. He also said that as I continue to heal and ground myself that my heart will begin to guide me into what I should be doing with my life. I hope that’s true. Because right now I just feel lost. Both my therapist and my rehabilitation worker have asked me what I want to do with my life and my answer has been, “I don’t know”. Because no matter how hard I try to come up with a plan, I still feel lost. I can’t seem to find direction. And for now, that’s ok. I’m choosing to give myself grace. I’m choosing to let myself heal and let my heart explore who I am and what I am called to do now.

As I sit in my new home, I’ve realized I not only am on the journey of beginning my life in a new home, but I’m on the journey of figuring out who I am meant to be. I came across a quote from Amber Lilyestrom: “This journey is all about coming home to who we really are.” As I read this quote, something resonated deep within me, because this is a theme that my therapist and I have been talking about. Maybe the home I’ve been searching for isn’t necessarily a physical place. Maybe, just maybe, the home I’ve been so desperately searching for is finding who I really am.

It’s time for me to set aside others’ expectations of me, society’s expectations and my expectations for myself and really hone into what my heart and my body is telling me. It’s time to let my heart speak and it’s time for me to listen to it. It’s time for me to come home to who I really am.

And maybe it’s time for you, too.

Stay strong, dear friends. Be true to who you are and what your heart is telling you. Don’t be afraid to be who you are and don’t be afraid if you don’t know who you are yet. Because, perhaps “[t]his journey is all about coming home to who [you] really are.” And it’s ok if it takes time.

Love,
Becca